Friday, June 23, 2006

Something New

The winter of ‘90 - ‘91 was a little disconcerting. There were mumblings and grumblings from just below the surface of the ultimate community in the Bay Area. Talking to Tom, he apprised me of the actual implications of the possibilities.

These were the facts: the Boot had underperformed at sectionals and regionals, Tsunamis was aging and needed new blood, East Bay was stagnating and needed to start looking in a new direction. The Boot roster was a smorgasbord for either team. There were certain players that had not yet gotten full competitive exposure, but were certainly ready to start contributing in a big way to the lucky team that corralled them.

Sometime in late December 1990 or early January of 1991, I got a call from the captains of East Bay. They wanted to have a kind of “friendly” scrimmage on a Saturday at Stanford. They thought it might be a good way to tune up for the coming season and, maybe, become a little more familiar with each other.

I was in a quandary. I knew what the basic idea was. It was a preliminary tryout for a new team. I was reasonably sure that they - the powers that controlled the East Bay team - had earmarked me for the team. They did, after all, call me directly. The bigger problem, for me, was this - I liked the team I was playing on. Sure, The Boot hadn’t performed up to its potential last year. Sure, there were a few players that, maybe, weren’t exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of other teams at Nationals. But it was the group of guys that I had been with through thick and thin for two years. We had experienced some highs and many lows. And we had almost always had fun.

Wasn’t that what this was all about?

Tom and I talked about it. As he pointed out, we were committed to nothing if we just invited both team’s rosters to come down for a day of scrimmaging. All we were saying, essentially, was, “It’s a nice day in January, and we feel like playing ultimate.” I hesitantly agreed.

Deep down, I knew what the result was going to be. After all, the teams had played against each other enough times to know. There were certain players on East Bay that I would be more happy to have on my sideline rather than match up with them across the field. But I also knew that there were going to be casualties. Players from both teams that wouldn’t be included. They would be left out and, basically, told, “You helped us get to this point, but we’re going on without you.”

I didn’t really care about the East Bay players that got left out. But I literally lay awake at night wondering how to justify excluding some of my favorite teammates from The Boot.

The fateful day in early January arrived. Not all the Boot players showed up. I guess some of the East Bay players had opted out or seen the writing on the wall as well. Either way, we still had a relatively big turnout - certainly enough for two complete squads in a couple of long scrimmages on Stanford’s Roble field. I formally introduced myself to the East Bay captains. We methodically distributed the players close to evenly from both teams according to handlers, middles, deeps, defenders, throwers, height, and speed. They had obviously given a fair amount of thought to this beforehand since they had a definite sense of the strengths and weaknesses of most of the players on The Boot. I had a more organic kind of sensibility. I hadn’t been as precise in my categorization of the East Bay players. In fact, there were some of their players that I had little more than a passing knowledge of. If they weren’t fast and relatively short (in other words, someone I would have typically covered), or if they weren’t their big, game-breaking players, I realized that I didn’t have much of an impression of them.

We cycled through the scrimmage, and the skill and intensity level was already beyond most of the practices that we had ever had on The Boot. And this was January. I found myself struggling to cover on defense and having to work hard to get open on offense. While it was not exactly personally encouraging, it was an eye opener. If we could rise to that kind of weekly intensity, what would the game time performance be?

The teams mixed politely on the sidelines. There were a few heckles and cheers thrown out for consideration. Overall, the impressions from my side were mostly favorable. But I still wondered how the potential new team would be picked and worried about the Boot players that would be left out.

Tom was more direct in his assessment. “If we don’t do this, we are definitely going to lose Dave Smith, Seth, Dilly, and Teddy. They are going to play for South Bay or East Bay.” Left unsaid in his accounting was the fact that he, too, would probably jump to one of the top teams. He saw the writing on the wall. I had to be driven kicking and screaming to read the large print.

As a result of that day in early January, it was decided that a team comprised of both East Bay and Boot players would attend the Tempe New Years Fest in late January - early February. It was time to see if we could actually play together in tough conditions against other teams.

If I remember correctly, the roster for that first run was open to all players on both teams. The phone calls (no email back then) leading up to the tourney showed a distinct trend. None of the Santa Cruz kids would be making the trip. The geographic separation that had been stretched taut in holding the Boot together had finally snapped. This new team would be composed of players north and east. South Bay would reap the harvest of the Santa Cruz talent.

The Saturday of Tempe finally arrived. The fields were no more pleasant than ever. The heat was still merciless for so early in the season. The competition was still tough. But our team did well. It quickly became apparent to me what the East Bay contingent brought to the table. They had a better sense of strategy, they had a core of better handlers, they were a little more experienced overall. And they were tall. Very tall.

The Boot group brought our own valuable assets. Fierce defensive intensity, youthful legs and a willingness to hurl our bodies after any disc tended to add fire to the East Bay methodical approach. We also added another intangible but equally important element. We had fun. We knew how to enjoy playing, how to goof around between games, how to liven up a bye time, and how to make most any team dinner or drinking session something to remember - or maybe forget if you were on the wrong side of the jokes.

As Boot players, we may have been a little self conscious of our talent or experience on the field, but in the realm of chapping or joking, the East Bay guys were down right lame. At least most of them. But they were willing to learn, as befitted their generally high educational backgrounds.

I think we managed to win our pool on Saturday, playing under the name of ... Purple Avengers? ... or something equally strange. Sunday, we went into our quarterfinal and I felt the old anxieties from pervious seasons welling up. We just needed to win the game. Battle hard, don’t give in, fight for every disc ... just about every disc cliche was playing on an endless loop through my head. The East Bay guys didn’t seem too concerned. Of course, they had a habit of winning quarters and losing in semis, whereas we generally lost in quarters and watched semis.

We won our quarterfinals match pretty easily, I believe. I know I was a little shocked and also a little giddy. That wasn’t so bad. Our offense rarely seemed to get bogged down mainly because our handlers were a good mix of possession workers and, especially with Barney, a few big throwers. And we had the deeps to win the fifty-fifty discs down field.

Our reward for winning our semifinal ... we got to play New York. Big, bad, legendary New York, New York. While it would not be their full squad, and they would certainly not be in top form, they did not like losing - ever. It would be my first chance to see them, let alone play against them. I knew nothing beyond the fact that they were the reigning national champs, having won the trophy twice in a row, and the fact that they were said to be intense to the point of cheating. I knew nothing about any of their players.

We took the field with an attitude of nothing to lose. It was our first tournament as a team. Indeed, it could very well be our last tourney as a team. They were expected to win while dismissing all challengers with ease. They didn’t know us, many of us didn’t know them.

The game was surprisingly tight. Early on, I remember lining up against them on defense and taking the shortest guy on their team. Seemed logical to me. Height for height. I think either Dave Barkan or Andy Gould said something like, “You sure you want him?” Of course I was sure. He may be thick, but I’d run him into the ground.

I sprinted down on the pull and it became clear that he was one of their main handlers. NY was feeding him the disc and I was surprised by how quick he was. As the disc moved down the field, he was lengthening his cuts and their throwers were getting a little less precise. Finally, after having been beaten for three or four completions, I saw my opening on a swing. I closed, launched, and snuck in for the block. The sandpaper Tempe fields greeted my arms and chest, my teammates cheered wildly. Energized, I bounced up and sprinted down field. We scored the point.

Later in the game, the score was tight and New York was making some shaky calls. Tempers were rising as it became clear that we were not going to back down and they were going to loose only over our dead bodies. The game was beginning to feel more like regionals than the second day of New Years fest. There was a small crowd gathering as our game lasted longer than others in the round. People were migrating over to see New York getting challenged.

I had been alternating covering a few of their handlers, but the shortest one, Kenny, was giving me the biggest trouble. He was dangerous with the disc, but he would also bust deep if I fronted him too much. He caught a couple of scores on me and made sure I knew he relished the moment. I was determined to make a play.

I think the situation was something like this: they were in a stack, the disc had stagnated near the middle of the field, the count was getting up. Kenny faked out and cut back on the break side. I had stayed home on his out cut because I could see I had tall help down field. As soon as he cut in back towards me, I turned and launched for the disc. They had been throwing most of their passes before or immediately as a cut was started. The down side, as a defender, was you had no time to react. As Worm has told me countless times, “You can’t be reacting out there. Either you know where the disc is going, or you’re going to get burned.”

I heard the “UP” call after I was in the air and had already seen the inside-out disc heading for me. The simple act of reaching out and knocking it down was almost anticlimactic compared to the difficultly of being in a position to get the disc. The block got a big response from the crowd, but we lost the game.

Afterwards, Kenny introduced himself and congratulated me on getting a couple blocks on him. I appreciated his sportsmanship, but I remember thinking to myself, “I get a couple blocks on a lot of players.” Which was true, way back then. I just didn’t realize that I got these two on Kenny Dobyns, whose talent and intensity I would come to both hate and admire in the coming years.

Yes, the new team had not won the tournament, but we had made a good accounting of ourselves. And, maybe more importantly, we had fun together. It wasn’t quite as wild and goofy as being with the Boot, but then again, winning games does compensate for some things. It was beginning to look like this group might just fit together.

98 Comments:

At June 23, 2006 3:07 PM, Blogger parinella said...

Another fond trip down memory lane. Thanks. I only hope that you are still writing this when the time comes to start discussing the East Coast teams more.

This story is similar to the Earth Atomizer/Big Brother merger/buyout of 1992, although most of the negotiations happened in the winter. One difference is that the geography of Boston doesn't impact team formation like it does in the Bay Area. It would make for an interesting sociological study to compare and contrast the two cities when it comes to forming new teams (or for second teams to make themselves strong and then see how the leaders resist the temptation to move on). These are really the only cities where this has happened (other than NY in the 80s/early 90s).

 
At June 30, 2006 12:15 AM, Blogger luke said...

more... more... i gotta put a link up to this site... billy, this is great...

and, please, don't use my name.

ever.

 
At July 03, 2006 9:00 AM, Blogger bfh said...

billy, it's july already! we're anxiously awaiting more. in gratitude, dude.

 
At July 04, 2006 7:51 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

Hey, it seems like you guys need to start talking less about frisbee, and more about stories.

But that is just my take. Plus I want to know what happened at MARS that I may have missed.

 
At July 06, 2006 7:51 PM, Blogger worm said...

Sebby is correct. Mars was very interesting to say the least. Billy and I were walking to the fields realizing the next oldest player at the whole tournament was probably about 30 years old. Most of the players were around 23 or 24. I am not sure if we are just old men hanging onto our youth or we can still bring something to the table. Billy's nickname was salt and pepper during the weekend. He was able to out run players 20 years younger than him. He had to play most of the points since most of Duck Xing was drunk on the sidelines. Which brings us to the party on Saturday night. Many, many stories. It looked like one of our players was going to hook it up with a teammate. He was working hard. He chatted her up for over 6 hours. It was looking very promising as a tournament hook up. Little did this teammate know that another teammate was waiting in the wings. He was drafting much like the tour de france. It is getting late at night and Duck Xing headed back to their own personal keg. This is when "Lance Armstrong" makes his move. Within 5 minutes he was in the lead. Within 10 minutes he was headed back to the tent with this woman. The teammate that put in 6 hours of work was devastated. I will not use names in order to protect the innocent. Meanwhile, the duck xing captain had started peeing on my feet. It was about time we called it a night at that point. Sebby might have a Mars story or two. He tells a very funny duck joke. More stories tomorrow.

 
At July 06, 2006 11:19 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

I wish that I knew how to set up a podcast, because I would set one up with nothing but duck jokes...

...and probably Jesus jokes too, but those are just funny.

 
At July 09, 2006 10:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

when's the next installment coming? people are getting axnious...

 
At July 10, 2006 10:28 AM, Anonymous brusssucks said...

Meanwhile Worm and Billy had tragically forgotten to bring their roll of duct tape to the tourney. Not only did I have to puke at Dennys but I swear my ears were bleeding.

 
At July 11, 2006 3:15 PM, Blogger parinella said...

Billy and I were walking to the fields realizing the next oldest player at the whole tournament was probably about 30 years old.
I take it then that the Seven Sages didn't play this year. Last year, at one point I was the 17th oldest male on the team (and presumably the tournament).

 
At July 18, 2006 10:12 AM, Anonymous WeiLu said...

Hey dood,
When are you going to update this blog ya? Me and Warm have been talkin bout this as we do our triathalon training. Why hasn't Billy posted? Dood, I'm really excited to read about MARS. Ok time to do another 342 laps in the pool.

 
At July 18, 2006 3:09 PM, Anonymous BertKang said...

Yeah,
I would like to hear about how Lance drafted off me to win the tour de chicky (since I was too drunk to remember) and how The Worm may have done more pull ups then I did. Oh wait, maybe not.

 
At July 18, 2006 4:17 PM, Anonymous natefeldmeier said...

Hey guys,
Don't ruin the stories for me. Billy is the best storyteller and I haven't heard anything yet due to the fact that I am only allowed out for walks and to go potty. But you guys really need to check out these floral arrangements we picked out. They are uber sweet. Plus we managed to get this saweet getaway car. It's a 2001 Pontiac Aztek. It has a push button start. Plus we can spend our honeymoon camping in the back. How great is that?!

 
At July 22, 2006 4:14 AM, Blogger bryan plymale said...

our school filter seems to think this site is porngraphic or cult related... or both yet billy only wishes his life was pornographic.

 
At August 03, 2006 11:57 AM, Anonymous Jimmy Mallon, SB said...

Just stumbled in here somehow (like most of the parties back in the day!), but it's great to see you guys are still at it. I'll check back for the next installment.

 
At August 07, 2006 3:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enough is enough! Worm! Billy! Somebody post!! It's been over a month!!! If you don't post soon, I'll stop checking three times a day and your traffic will effectively cease!!!!! I don't know how to use exclamation points!!!!

 
At August 09, 2006 5:17 PM, Blogger Pooh said...

More Scott Tay (sp?) stories!

 
At August 10, 2006 2:03 PM, Anonymous Jordo Schwarteeeezy said...

Yo yo yooo. Jordooo in the hizzy. Billeeezy hook us up with some of those saweetly arranged sentences and paragraphs that you fine tune into some of the best storytellin this side of Bill Shakespeare. I didn't get all the Friday MARS stories since I was busy welding that third wheel onto Jamin and Raquel's tandem bike. I hear more than one person may have been victim of the draft although according to the source it was given away by better judgement.

 
At August 23, 2006 10:34 PM, Blogger BrussSucks said...

I saw Worm at Chipotle the other day eating lunch. he was quite engrossed in his burrito and newspaper. I yelled car bomb thirty but he didn't even look up. To the old worm.

 
At September 08, 2006 2:32 PM, Anonymous Worm said...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I need to get my name disassociated with this blog. Zzzzzzzzzzz

 
At September 29, 2006 3:51 PM, Anonymous JLo said...

I'm dead inside. Billy has killed my spirit.

 
At October 04, 2006 3:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Billy....

Guess who?

(one of the "tall-ies" if it will help...but then again, compared to you....)

;)

 
At October 23, 2006 6:51 AM, Blogger bryan plymale said...

billy... got the school's filter lifted for this... you got nothing!

 
At November 21, 2006 8:43 AM, Anonymous C Web said...

Wow, this blog gets about as much action as Bert at Mars.

 
At December 03, 2006 11:16 AM, Blogger luke said...

this place is deader than flash's blog.

 
At December 07, 2006 9:30 AM, Anonymous Curtiss said...

Flash writes a new post for his blog every time he gets action.

 
At December 08, 2006 11:44 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

The real question is: what happened at Mr. Big's this year?

C'mon, there has to be at least one good story out of that group...

 
At December 12, 2006 12:25 PM, Anonymous Vicodin girl said...

All I know is that Bert took me out back and went down on me, then went inside to get a condom from the vending machine. He was gone a while, so I went back to CWeb's room to see his CD collection.

Serious question - how did you get the nickname "Sebby?"

 
At December 14, 2006 4:49 PM, Blogger BrussSucks said...

Actually lets cut the shit. The real story goes as such. Some heavy petting action. I'm getting ready to lay the wood. Then she mentions something about a cheesy discharge. At that point I had to respectfully decline. But you know I'm a good guy so I wanted to help her out. And I thought about it. And was like you know who wouldn'd mind? Charlie Weber. That guy is a dirty pirate hooker. So Iz like listen here baby. You arent gonna get the gold medal today, but I'll hook you up with the spirit award. nuff said.... also billy is lame for not updating this thing and ive been working on my bent arm hang so worm should watch out.

 
At December 21, 2006 10:44 AM, Anonymous C Web said...

Why would a Wisconsin guy ever turn down cheese?

Alas, Burt's story is true, and the cheese was delicious. It looked a bit like cottage cheese, but tasted like Gouda!

Back to the point, I can't believe Burt turned his back on his roots. Shame! Could you imagine Wellman selling out a clan of Jewish midgets to the Gestapo? Would never happen. Burt, I don't know how you sleep at night (besides alone).

Charlie Webber
Unapologetic Cheese Fan

 
At December 22, 2006 2:48 PM, Anonymous Bert Kayng said...

Dude, you mispelled my name. The real C Web wouldn't do that. He's got to know the spelling of my name since he treated that cauliflower penis thing I picked up in the navy.

 
At December 25, 2006 11:56 AM, Blogger Sebby said...

To make a long story short (and convoluted), my first name is Sebby. My evil twin brother's first name is Thomas. Our last name is Sebastian. Yes, my parents thought that they were funny naming me Sebby Sebastian (I won't even tell you my middle name, it's just too painful), but they aren't.

"Cauliflower penis"? Bert, just because they do it on tv doesn't mean that repeatedly slamming your penis in a car door is going to do anything for you sexually. You know, other than severely limiting the length of your middle wicket.

But hey, if you want a cheese-wheel shaped penis, that is between you and C-web.

 
At December 28, 2006 3:16 PM, Anonymous Billy Layden said...

Hey guys its me! Billy! You know the scrappy little guy that proves it just takes heart to be a winner! Don't you remember me? Maybe you only know me by my nickname, Squeaky Mcminidoodle. Oh, see!! Now you remember!! I know you guys have all been waiting for me to post a new blog and I apologize for having not done so. I haven't even had the time to read all the comments you guys have posted which I'm sure all relate to my blog somehow and how wonderful happy joy joy it makes you feel to read my memoirs!I mean it's not like you guys would have become so bored that you would use my comments section as a forum to rip on each other. That would just be wrong and it would make Squeaky Mcminidoodle sad :( In any case, rest assured that I will write about more of my exploits soon. Did I ever tell you guys about that six foot blonde I hooked up with?!?! Well, turns out it wasn't a banana in her pocket!

 
At December 28, 2006 3:20 PM, Blogger Charles Weber said...

hmmm... while i support the original post made by "C Web", i can't claim any credit for the above posts. i can't even receive credit for spelling my name wrong! but i am sorry for my game permeating the entire east coast, forcing bert to move across the country. southern california has to be a horrible place to find women.

 
At December 28, 2006 6:32 PM, Anonymous Bert Kang said...

Women? Did you ever notice that I have an earring? You Carleton kids are so stupid. I'm into guys all the way. If any guys in LA read this, give me a call, especially if you don't mind having your naked body covered in kim chi.

Bert

 
At December 28, 2006 8:35 PM, Blogger BrussSucks said...

WTF?!?! I'm totally into girls. You guys are crazy. I've boinked tons of girls. You know how you touch their boobs and it feels like... like a bag of sand... And I have a girlfriend too. You guys just haven't met her is all. She lives in Canada. I met her at Niagra Falls. She's like a model and an astronaut. yeah..... oh yeah and the penis in the car door thing. I swear it makes it get bigger than a swedish made penis pump ever could. I learned it from Wei. I guess he saw Worm using the technique to fill out his biker shorts.

 
At January 02, 2007 10:37 AM, Anonymous brusssucks said...

Clarification - by "into girls" I meant "into dressing like girls."

Sorry for any confusion.

Bert

 
At January 08, 2007 12:49 AM, Blogger luke said...

ah good. the good ship layden is in safe hands. billy, your actual blog is no longer necessary. but please take the time to archive the comments section.

 
At January 08, 2007 6:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little guy,

2007 and you STILL got nothin'


love,

one of the Tallies

 
At January 16, 2007 12:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the Tallies? Is that a reference to height? If so, from Billy's perspective, that narrows it down to everyone (except Phong).

So I'm guessing by "Tallies" you mean "check marks" cuz Billy has about as many of those as Britney has c-section scars.

 
At January 16, 2007 3:08 PM, Anonymous Billy Layden said...

What's a blog? Is that with goats? Am I tall enough to play?

 
At January 17, 2007 4:47 PM, Anonymous Jimmy said...

Mr. Big's 2006: There was a fight, of course. Charlie Morrison was about to get all medieval on some dude 'cause the guy claimed to have invented Go-Juice, er, made a move on Jenn... I lost my f-ing sunglasses ('cause it was day when we got there and night when we left), and somebody bought a couple rounds of about 15 car bombs -- I'm sure THAT credit card took a helluva a hit -- though it was the straight Jameson's shots that did me in. Some innocent bystander was there with his girl and he said he thought we all looked like er, drank like rugby players. Ah, if he only knew.

 
At February 02, 2007 9:36 AM, Anonymous Jimmy said...

I just wanted to apologize for killing a good thread. I wish someone would write back.

I also wanted to point out that there was this ripped korean guy with an earring, a tattoo, and a goofy smile at Mr. Big's. He was pretty cute. If any of you can put me in touch with him, I'd appreciate it.

Jimmy
p.s. Billy is taller than me

 
At February 11, 2007 10:54 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

Yeah, the Korean's name is Bert. I know he's gay, but I think he's taken. Or at least that is what I was led to believe when I saw him and C Web making out the other night with some random chick. Man alive those two sure do deserve each other. I don't know why they even bother pretending that the woman is necessary anymore, because as far as I could tell she was just there to hold their drinks.

But you know, I'm really starting to wonder what happened after the winter of 90-91? Did time stop, and is that why Billy isn't writing any more posts? Or is he too busy being the codpiece that Worm stuffs in his shorts to write? What gives?

I just wish someone would hold me...

 
At February 16, 2007 2:54 PM, Anonymous BrussSizucks said...

I've taken some time to think about an articulate response to Sebby's slanderous statements. There is no need for a classy gent such as myself to bow down to his level of meager taunts. So to you Sebbythol Flugleman I have only this to say. You smell and I hate you. But you hit charlie weber right on the nose. he's been coming on to me for years.

 
At February 26, 2007 6:33 PM, Anonymous Wei Lu said...

I took a monster dump last night.

 
At February 28, 2007 10:02 AM, Anonymous Seth Partnow said...

Oh boy! Sleep! That's when I'm a Viking!

 
At February 28, 2007 1:54 PM, Anonymous Ralph Wiggum said...

Me fail english? That's unpossible!

 
At March 12, 2007 5:43 PM, Anonymous Luke Smith said...

It's me, the real Vanilla Gorilla. I noticed someone was impersonating me on here. I do support the above comments, especially the ones that make fun of Koreans.

Anyway, while I'm here, I'd like to point out that I'm a "tight end," which is Lukespeak for "my colon will fit as tight as OJ's glove."

Now that that's all settled up, please go back to making fun of Billy, and I'll go write some more posts about skiing so that clueless cultimate guy isn't at the top of Idris' page (at least for 15 minutes).

Luke

 
At March 16, 2007 12:55 PM, Anonymous Everyone in the world said...

There once was a man named Billy. I thought his blog was quite silly. But then he stopped writing, and now I am fighting, the urge to kick him in the willy.

 
At March 19, 2007 8:57 AM, Anonymous Pat Mackie said...

Seriously, Billy - please start blogging again. If you do, I've got a buddy that may be able to get you a spot in the limbo competition at the special olympics. Talk about a free trophy!

 
At March 23, 2007 4:07 PM, Blogger luke said...

idris, go back to impersonating CFH and leave me out of your bizzarro fantasy world

 
At March 26, 2007 5:15 PM, Anonymous Idris said...

Sorry, buddy, but my only bizarro fantasy world involves two Karlinskys, a purple butt plug, and the lovely voices of Musical Youth.

By the way, you never wrote me back about coming to the lemon party.

 
At April 10, 2007 1:02 PM, Anonymous Wei said...

OK guys, I've got a joke.

What's black and blue and hates to fuck?

 
At April 10, 2007 3:27 PM, Anonymous sebby said...

ANYBODY WANT TO BUY A DUCK!!!!!
...no seriously what is it?

 
At April 12, 2007 7:15 AM, Anonymous Katie Dolara said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At April 12, 2007 8:23 PM, Anonymous Little Girl in Plaid Skirt said...

I know why Biwy hasn't written in his bwog in soo wong. He's been sitting in a parked car in fwont of my ewementary school. I don't know why he is there but he says he has a lot of candy in the car.

 
At April 13, 2007 10:50 PM, Anonymous Oak Tree said...

We've decided to put together a list of reasons why Billy hasn't updated his blog in a whily. Here are a few that come to mind.
Billy is spending all his time getting HGH injections.
Developing an insta-craw Guiness can.
Gave half his liver to Worm...Still recovering from the surgery.
His ghost writer died.
Any other reasons you could think of?

 
At April 17, 2007 9:46 AM, Anonymous Charlie Weber said...

Lost his yellow pages and can't reach keyboard without them

 
At April 19, 2007 6:52 PM, Blogger Thomas said...

Seriously, how do you lose a book that weighs half again as much as you do?

 
At April 20, 2007 11:30 AM, Anonymous Jill Bingham said...

Maybe his yellow pages are on his desk, but he can't see what's on his desk without the yellow pages?

OK, back to selling real estate.

 
At April 24, 2007 4:09 PM, Anonymous american style girlfriend said...

I no longer know if I am more interested in new billy posts or new comments.

 
At May 04, 2007 2:54 PM, Anonymous Wei said...

OK, no one got that last joke, that's fine. Here's a new one.

How many giraffes does it take to gang bang a midget?

 
At May 04, 2007 6:36 PM, Blogger Benjamin said...

Should we change the name of this last post to Something Old?

 
At June 25, 2007 8:03 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

Shouldn't it really be how many midgets does it take to gang bang a giraffe? Because logistically that just makes more sense.

Just curious, but whose the dumbas...er, keen feller who's ruining MARS by getting married that weekend? Poor sap...

 
At June 26, 2007 10:36 AM, Anonymous Skullcrusher said...

You don't know me.

You don't even know my name.

But you'd totally eat me out.

 
At July 23, 2007 6:04 PM, Anonymous Ron Mexico said...

It was unfortunate the Duck Xing couldnt make MARS this year. I guess Sebby will have to wait till next year to make out with Worm again.

 
At July 25, 2007 6:00 PM, Anonymous sebby said...

Hey there - we weren't making out. Worm was working on some girl but was a little self conscious of the sores on the back of his throat, so he asked me to "test kiss" him to see if I could notice them. I could feel them with my tongue, so we decided to coat them with my semen so the chick wouldn't notice. We definitely did not make out, though.

 
At August 02, 2007 8:57 AM, Anonymous wei said...

OK, OK. Enough of the gross talk. Just because Worm likes the taste of semen doesn't mean he's gay, right?

Since no one has got either of my jokes, I'll go with an easier one. How many Sebbys can you fit in a bathtub?

 
At August 02, 2007 6:33 PM, Anonymous The 1 page view of Sebbylite. said...

That's a trick question. Sebbys don't bathe. Mainly because they don't have hot water.

Also Sebby, you are in the number deuce spot for retard dog.

 
At August 03, 2007 8:27 AM, Anonymous wei said...

I didn't say anything about bathing. Just asked how many you could fit in a bathtub.

For the sake of simplicity, assume the bathtub is 6'3" x 2'4" and has a plastic shower curtain that covers two sides.

 
At August 03, 2007 4:55 PM, Anonymous Bert Kang said...

I'm not a math guy (I don't fit most asian stereotypes, as some people (C Web) have noted above) but I think it should be around 40 - unless this another one of Wei's famous dirty jokes?

 
At August 07, 2007 1:13 PM, Anonymous Ben Jammaster Cohen said...

Whats the over under on the last time squeaky mcminidoodle actually checked out his blog?

 
At August 07, 2007 1:47 PM, Anonymous Wei said...

Who cares? Wei Lu rules this place now. All hail my mighty ponytail.

 
At August 10, 2007 1:36 PM, Anonymous Luke Smith said...

Wei,

That's not cool. No way you can "rule" this blog now. Billy represents the old guard of bloggers that either no longer blog or no longer blog about frisbee. I resent you trying to move in on our territory.

In other news, today I bike a 1-3-5-7-9 circuit. Hamstring felt fine. Ate two bananas and some yogurt for breakfast. Cross country race next Thursday. Humid weather is causing enlarged genitals on several local species of chipmunk. Tomorrow is partly cloudy with a chance of rain. Will stretch hamstring for 25 minutes tonight, 15 tomorrow.

 
At August 13, 2007 2:11 PM, Anonymous Wei said...

Whatever dude. You're so in the past. You don't even know what a boat race is.

 
At August 14, 2007 2:11 PM, Anonymous Victor Conte said...

I think Wei has been supplementing his triathalon training with a little too much synthetic testosterone.

 
At August 15, 2007 2:08 PM, Anonymous wei said...

Actually, I acquired the excess testosterone naturally by repeatedly throwing the wrong throw in ro-sham-kiss. If you suck hard enough while making out with other dudes, you can swallow all sorts of hormones, nutrients, and semen.

 
At August 16, 2007 7:42 AM, Anonymous Wellman said...

Wei, that's disgusting. At the least you could be like Bert and suck the semen out of the right hole.

 
At August 20, 2007 4:46 PM, Anonymous Wei said...

Hey,
This is the real Wei Lu. Dude I would never do any of that playing ro-sham-kiss... I thought we were playing ro-sham-blowjob

 
At August 21, 2007 7:24 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

Wow. Evidently this comment section isn't dead. It's just dirty.

But I'm curious now as to how many me's you can fit into a bathtub. What are the parameters? Can we use lube, or just soap? Can we stack me like sardines in a can, or like pickle spears in a jar? And who is in charge of the "Making of" mockumentary?

 
At November 19, 2007 5:50 PM, Anonymous Save Billyblog said...

Can this blog be revived on comments alone? 17 sebbys.

 
At June 10, 2008 6:13 PM, Blogger Sebby said...

Less then 3 weeks until MARS 08.

Can this thread still be revived?

(1 Sebby)

 
At June 16, 2008 4:17 PM, Anonymous Duck Xing said...

Can you and Worm kiss again and still claim you just messed up the signals?

Can Charlie Weber prove he wasn't on performance enhancing drugs when drafting his teammate?

Will Wei lose all his powers if we shave his head?

Can anybody ever distinguish Hummer's left nut from his right?

 
At August 04, 2008 10:36 AM, Anonymous Liana said...

Will someon please explain to me what a jizz taco is?

 
At August 19, 2008 8:33 AM, Anonymous Jordo said...

What happened? Did I hook up with that girl? There's a rumor that I stepped into the bathroom to freshen up and she disappeared to go look for Jadon.

 
At August 21, 2008 6:00 PM, Anonymous Jordo Schwarteeezy said...

Puh-leez. I, the Schwarteezy, am pimp like Hanukkah. Jadon couldn't draft me with a blood transfusion from CWeb and a crib full of CDs.

Ya'll need to get wit it. And this is how I spit it

Give me the Henny, you can give me the Cris
You can pass me the Remi, but best pass the Manischewitz
Give me the ass, you could give me the dough
You can give me 'dro, but pass the manischewitz

word to your mutha,
Jeezy Schwarteezy outs

 
At September 19, 2008 1:48 PM, Anonymous Eeyore with an L said...

I've got a big batch saved up. Where can I shoot it?

 
At September 23, 2008 3:13 PM, Anonymous Emily said...

I believe there is an empty tent available. Me and Kevbo won't need it for a couple hours.

 
At January 30, 2009 9:11 PM, Blogger Axis said...

I read this entire blog and really enjoyed it. I wish you would write more stories (or a book?)

 
At February 03, 2009 12:15 PM, Anonymous Billy Layden said...

Anyone have any tips on how to eat pussy?

 
At February 06, 2009 2:58 PM, Anonymous Nate Franz said...

More importantly, how may calories do you consume eating pussy? Does it matter how much pussy juice you swallow? What if she's on the rag and you swallow a whole bunch of that red stuff (but it was dark in the room so you didn't know, obviously). My personal theory is that eating pussy is like eating celery, it's a great way to lose weight. Time to test it on wifey. Be right back! (or, "brb!" lol)

 
At February 17, 2009 3:09 PM, Anonymous Bert Kang said...

Holy shit, the blog is back! Why didn't someone email me? You know, electronic mail? I'm asian, I'm good with that kind of stuff. I'm also good with sewing. I'm going to sew my armpit hairs into a nice warm mitten.

 
At March 03, 2009 10:05 AM, Anonymous Sebby said...

My boner is thicker than my calves.

 
At March 06, 2009 11:33 AM, Anonymous Jordo Schwarteeeeeezy said...

Who talks about their own boner? Seriously. I work for the mayor and he never talks about his own boner. Sometimes he just smiles and takes it out, though. He calls me his "right hand man" and I call him "bust-a-nutter."

 
At October 06, 2010 10:28 AM, Anonymous Bert Kang said...

Hey, it's me, Bert. I still check this blog every now and then to see if anyone posts anything. It's been a while!

 
At January 13, 2011 10:34 AM, Anonymous Bert Kang said...

Hi, it's me Bert again. Just checking in with everyone. Hi! I like cheeseburgers and mexican women with big titties.

 
At April 25, 2012 1:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure we're going to bring this blog back or at least create some new sort of meta-blog in the comments.

-Chandler

 
At May 16, 2013 7:24 AM, Anonymous Sky Davey said...

Chandler, as in John Chandler? Shit just got goofy around here.

 

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